Steve's 2009 Poem

Receiving the DCP

Down here in the Dominican Republic
Where nothing seems the same
Where nothing’s fixed or finished
No job has a time frame

We bring extensive medical skills
And do the best we can
To make Dominicans feel better
To help our fellow man

But something happened this time
And it began with our tongues
The wheels came off our yellow bus
When the dinner bell was rung

The smell of rice and beans did not
Smell very good at all
Our food did not go down too well
And stayed there in a ball

You found an old thermometer
And put it under your tongue
Then realized it’s a rectal
Your problems have begun

You get to feeling queasy
Like something’s not quite right
You know you’re getting sicker
Your head starts feeling light

You go into the bathroom
Where paper is not flushed
You kneel before the porcelain throne
And heave until your bushed

You feel a little better
And go back to your bed
And struggle to the top bunk
And wish that you were dead

As soon as you are comfortable
The cycle starts anew
You think you need a doctor
Then realize that it’s you!
You feel a little sweaty
And Susan hears you moan
It is comforting to know
You will not die alone

It’s like someone took a hammer
And beat you on the brain
Then took out all your fluids
And poured them down the drain

The only parts that do not hurt
Are eyebrows, teeth, and hair
The rest of you needs TLC
No matter who or where

They give you lots of medicines
To make your gut calm down
But no more trips for ice cream
No more trips to town

Cipro and Immodium
To mention just a few
Phenergen and Zofran
Will make you feel like new

You cannot go to work that day
Or ever will you think
At least your taking nourishment
Not barfing in a sink

And now you’re almost well again
You’ve now regained your pep
You’ve now received the DCP
The Dominican Colonoscopy Prep

Expertly written by Steve Trembly “The Funny Farmer”